1) how is he going to settle his sexual desire while i am on confinement???
2) does he got other woman outside? or is he trying to be hanky panky outside?
3) what happens if the maids come in and he got involved with the maid???
4) wonder what are his fanatasies about?

Was in my mood swings again last few days..

can't stand batman!!!!!!!!! i feel like killing him.. but he very poor thing.. always give the poor thing look.. sigh.... i really pity batman.. he only good life he has since with me is the 1st few months .. Sigh.. i like "dui bu qi ta" .. i feel very bad.. but when he angers me!! i really can't take it!

HB just called!! Yea!!! Sat he going check up with me!!!!!! hehee.. well.. i suppose all ladies would like their spouse to go check up with them.. yesterday i requested him to go check-up with me this sat.. he say he will look into it.. i tot he would have forgotten liaoz.. but!!! hhee.. I love you darling@@!!!

Its not that I cannot go checkup myself.. just that i tot wanna ask him along den he can see baby also.. hehe..

Last nite batman make me angry till cry.. den HB saw me crying.. lucky he never angry.. he said that he also heartpain see me cry like that.. Sigh. but sometimes i can't control.............

today will be a better day.. i went to develop the 2R photos den can put in wallet.. let's see how long the pics will automatic go into the wallet...........................................

Well.. on sat.. went to get the papers signed.. den walk ard in chinatown while waiting for DW.. my ins agt.. den went for lunch @ parkway..

had a good japanese lunch.. and that was the only meal the whole day.. hehe.. den my sis come PW go to the car and take her house keys.. cos she left it in my car.. and den ask her to come look for me dun wan leh.. i think she and her bf quarrel.. den she still go out with a guy friend.. sigh.. if i the bf.. i also sad lor..

DEN the best thing is abt 5+ i ask HB where is he... he say he at home leh.. i waiting for him to call.. he never call.. i tot he still at work leh.. den he told me .. he went home den he zzz liaoz.. OMG! some miscommunication i suppose.. very sad lor.. even DW as a brother can be so concern when i am out alone.. not my HB leh.. why ?

anyway.. reach home with HB's dinner abt 8.. den when to take BB's bed and den we went to pak tor lor.. wanted to watch Boret .. but the 11pm+ show no more liaoz!!! WTF! I saw it just on wed online vivocity got 11+ one.. den on sat evening i check again.. dun have liaoz leh.. den somemore this wed is last screening liaoz.. :(

anyway.. not a bad sat lah.. we went CT to walk walk.. though the event for the lights up over liaoz.. most of the shops closing liaoz.. we still can walk and buy some tibits lah.. hehe.. walk till abt coming 1 liaoz.. den we go home.. den go home liaoz.. both still dun wan to zzz .. hahaha.. ABT COMING 3 den go zzz .. next day dunno how come HB wake up so early too.. hehe

den he keep asking me to wake up abt 10 cos we need to go to my grandma's 80th birthday lunch.. but i hehe ya its me and my fault wake up late den rush rush rush lor..

went to buy cake and present bought onbehalf of my sis lor.. den i rush HB while buying thing he also not happy.. sorry darling.. ..

after lunch when shopping @ CT again with my aunt , mum and cousins lor.. they all like my HB soo much.. aiyo.. den the kids start making noise wanna go home den we go buy thing den go mum's plc for dinner den go home lor..

reach home HB do his thing.. i try to housekeep the kitchen cupboard lor.. den he went to cpu to chat again.. the best thing is .. i walk in only .. he close the window!! angry right?? got nothing to hide dun do thing secretively leh.. i dun like!!!! i also know wat u like to chat .. of cos i understand.. den dun like scared me to see thing like tat lor.. :(

at nite b4 zzz confront him lor.. told him how i feel lor.. hope he understands better..

though married.. we are still in process of understanding each other leh.. hhmmmm....

Well i feel that i am very selfish..

HB wanted to irc last nite... he asked me permission.. but i wasn't very happy cos we dun have enuff time with each other already.. and he still wans to sit infront of the comp.... but i feel very bad.. like i controlling him like that.. i dun like that kind of feeling.. i told him go lor.. but he din seem comfortable when he went to the computer room too.. i feel so bad..

I miss him!! Darling.. if ever 1 day u got a chance to read this.. i really feel bad.. am not trying to control u.. but am scared.. very very scared of history repeating itself.. esp since i am going thru the process now.. and the tots of it haunts me badly.. really badly..

"A woman (Venus Goddess) relieves stress by talking about it, which the man may interpret as an accusation or request for a solution. In terms of woman it is just sharing a problem which she wants to be acknowledged.

The man on the other hand has a basic instinct to give a solution because Martians (that is, Men) do not discuss a problem unless they want a solution."

People in healthy relationships have the following characteristics.

1. They allow for individuality.
2. They experience both oneness with and separateness from another.
3. They bring out the best qualities in self and another.
4. They accept endings.
5. They experience openness to change and exploration.
6. They invite growth in the other person.
7. They experience true intimacy.
8. They feel the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.
9. They experience giving and receiving in the same way.
10. They do not attempt to change or control the other.
11. They encourage self-sufficiency of partners.
12. They accept limitations of self and other.
13. They do not seek unconditional love.
14. They accept and respect commitment.
15. They have a high self-esteem.
16. They trust the memory of the beloved; they enjoy solitude.
17. They express feelings spontaneously.
18. They welcome closeness; risk vulnerability.
19. They care with detachment.
20. They affirm equality and personal power of self and other.

Do you and your partner have any of the characteristics? Do we really pratices such characteristics in our relationship? Or we simply just can't be bothered about our relationship?

Have been feeling weird.. so scared that History will come back.. can't sleep well.. keep crying in sleep.. aiyo!!! i dun wan BB to come out as "hamburger" leh..

I wonder is it HB got no patience with me liaoz.. cos he used up his patience @ work? he use to be soo patient with me..

nowadays.. little bit only say i no patience.. little bit only say that he find that he cant communicate with me.. its me or just him?? or i expect him to understand what i am trying to say with just a few words w/o completing the sentence??

am i the one being demanding?? very tiring.. not easy to be a loving couple, husband and wife..

our communication lessen so much due to his work as he has been coming back late.. now everyday esp during weekdays, we have less den 2 hrs together .. and that includes eating, bathing and so on.. :__(

i miss my hubby..

While reading a friend's blog.. i saw this ... very meaningful

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.There is never any pressure, jealousy or competitionbut only a quiet calmness when they are around.You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant.Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.A phone call or two during the day helps to get youthrough a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face.In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby.Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you.You find strength in knowing you have a true friend andpossibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Couldnt stop crying last nite.. den HB still raise voice at me :(

I also dunno what i am upset abt.. probably i feel that i just dun deserve and not worthy of his love.. cos my past is just so dark and i hate it. i hate the day i make decision.. i hate tat why am i so native to make such decision tat effects my life and my tots so much now.. :(

Wat HB said is true.. we haven married for 1 month.. i think so much.. why? cos i am scared.. very scared.. i wonder if he is proud to have me as his wife? i am proud to have him as my husband.. so much so that i wan to show the whole world.. but i can't!!!! cant!!!

and am soooooo much bothered by the fact that he dun wear his wedding ring to work... WTF right? for me no choice.. i can't put on liaoz.. if i continue wearing.. i can't take off later when go operation den jialat liaoz.. all i wan is his promise that our ROM ring.. he has to wear it 24/7.. is it too much to ask for??

maybe to him its just a ring what's the big deal.. to me its not! it means a lot.. it means how much committed u are .. how proud u are to show the token that ur love one has given to you.. i dunno what does he think so..

now it seems so that i am a little girl who cries becos no one lunch with me.. that's not TRUE!!!

i cried is becos i am depressed!! depressed abt life! depressed why did i have to go thru or go back slightly to get out of everything and lead a new life? why why why?

I am working in the office now.. thinking of how much i expect from HB.. suddenly i hate myself so much.. i feel like dying.. why? what's wrong with me??

i feel very breatheless now.. i can't control myself..

am i being possessive? i can't stand my possessive self!!!! i HATE IT!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.. weekend is average..

something is very wrong with me.. though HB is with me through out the weekend (except working on sat morning) i dun feel the same.. its like physically with me but heart not with me.. he assured me last nite.. but i guess i am just getting paranoid.. becos i got a feeling that he very scared to let ppl know he is married leh.. ( in irc esp) yes i know that its just for fun.. everyone uses fake identity.. but i still dun feel good.. But deep down i know he loves me.. but i just can't help it!!!!!!

baby is doing good.. went for check up on sat.. she dun like being scanned.. hehe.. keep kicking.. hope that she is not a spolit brat like ppl say.. if not really like me during the earlier stage .. den jialat.. she is 1.6 kg..

At last the big day is over.. Left only with memories.. now is the time to work hard and make things work and going..

My feelings now.. i also dunno how to describe..

HB work late work hard to earn more $$ to support BB and me.. and it just started this week only.. BUT!! i can't take it liaoz..

it seems that its coming back.. am still in the office at this hour.. i dun wan to go home to an empty house with 2 dogs.. (this is the same feeling that i had almost 1 year ago) what is happening??

i can't stop crying whenever HB talks to me on the phone.. i miss him sooooooooo much.. BUT i also know he is stressed and pressured.. i know that i had unknowingly placed pressure and him but i really can't help it.. i am fragile.. very very fragile.. :~~~(

SOmeone pls help me.. i need to talk.. but no one can understand.. If i talk to the wrong person.. or confide in the wrong person .. the person may tell me that.. u are crazy.. u just think too much.. till now i can't think of anyone to talk too except my sis.. but.. she is still angry with me.. i have no one to turn to :(

tell HB also no use.. he will ask me "what u wan me to do den?" which i also dunno the answer.. den he will feel more fed up.. i can sense that he is fed up and had enuff of my nonsense.. to him to others its nonsense.. i feel that i have pre-natal blues! HELP~!!

Sigh.. baby is coming soon.. i believe baby will be a wonderful thing for us.. but i am also scared that we will drift further apart.. i suppose its just me.. cos no matter how HB assure me.. i just can't should i say trust.. or just can't rest assured!! i really going crazy soonzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!